best excuses from employees

[JohnJ0906]

I'm curious on some of the excuses you all hear from employees for being absent or late.

Last week we had a guy call in saying he was locked in his bedroom, and couldn't get out. You could hear the door rattling in the background. Supposedly, he had to call the building maintenance to let him out.

Then there is the ever-popular, "My wife/girlfriend didn't wake me up" :roll:

The guy who was at least honest "I'm too hungover to come in"

How about "I don't know where my car is"

Got any good ones?

[Oakey]

My part time guy has said "I overslept" :mad:

[Jljohnson]

I have a list so long my fingers would quit before I got done typing them but my all time favorite is" My fish died and I need a couple of days to come to terms with it. BTW, do you guys have bereavment pay?" We gave him the couple days off while we hired his replacement.

[goldstar]

I once had a secretary who was constantly late, missed work, took long lunches, etc. After not showing up for several days she phoned in and indicated that "it was that time of the month" and that she was hemorraghing and sitting in her bathtub filled with ice. Needless to say, I didn't want to go to her house and ring the bell !!!

[hockeyoligist2]

Had one say he had to go pick up his Grandmothers body at the airport.

[brian john]

One guy had used every excuse in the book and I wanted him gone but he was my old boss's nephew, so I could not fire him. I told him to at least use an original excuse next time he called in. Last time he called he said :" I can't make it some thing's up" and hung up. I told the boss he had to go and they so the boss made him some one's else's problem.

[cadpoint]

When I was starting in this vocation.
I ate a bad apple at Lunch and was Pale, I told Boss I ate a bad apple. Came home and slept the rest of the afternoon.
I now consume my required fruit intake in other ways...:rolleyes:

[480sparky]

Many years ago, I had an employer post a list of the feeble excuses he had received over the years. I don't remember the all, but here's some of them, along with some I've heard myself:

1. My Grandmother died yesterday.
2. My tires were frozen to the ground.
3. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1).
4. I couldn't get my bag of chips into my lunchbox, so I had to go out and buy a bigger lunchbox.
5. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1).
6. I thought it was Saturday.
7. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [how many Grandmothers does this guy have?]).
8. I had my cell phone in 'vibrate' and couldn't hear my Mom phoning me.
9. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [Again?]).
10. I forgot to do laundry last night, so I didn't have any clean work clothes.
11. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [OK, I'm going to Geneology.com for this guy!]).
12. I found another job, but when I got there yesterday, I found out I didn't like it, so I'm back today.
13. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [OK, Donnie, prove it!]).
14. I had a heart attack.
15. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [Donnie, we found out that you pulled this same stunt 20 times in high school.]).
16. I just lost my entheuthiasm.
17. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [Donnie, you're fired]).
18. I'm getting evicted from my apartment, so I need to go make some money.
19. My Grandmother died yesterday (same guy as #1 [Uh, Donnie, you don't work here anymore, so we don't care.]).
20. I forgot I got a job.
21. I had to go console Donnie on the loss of his Grandmother.

[ceknight]

I don't have employees to offer me excuses, but I get some interesting ones from customers occasionally. Just this morning I had a 10:30 appointment to replace a dead vent fan. Customer calls me and asks if I can come later in the morning, because "they aren't ready to see people yet."

Must've been one heck of a party last night. :)

[crossman]

Here's one from a guy who was absent a whole week without calling in:

"I didn't have money for gas, so I couldn't go to work. Since I couldn't go to work, I had no way to make money for gas."

He was terminated.

[electricalperson]

we had one guy that said all his tires were flat on his car about 3 or 4 times a year, he puked on himself on the way to work, he took a sleeping pill at 4 am and didnt wake up when the clock went off, the main fuse on his house blew so he lost power to his alarm clock, he was too sick to use a phone.
he was fired :)

[dezwitinc]

Had an employee many years ago who showed up late one day with a note from his wife explaining that they had been up extremely late the night before while engaged in amorous adventures.
She went on to describe the evening.
I'll leave it at this...It involved a Superman suit and a Wonder Woman costume.
It gave me new respect for Dave.

[electricalperson]

i love it when people use horrible excuses. it makes for good entertainment

[kkwong]

Lets see:

1. I couldn't find my pants from last night.
2. I was in jail.
3. I couldn't find my tools.
4. My girlfriend wouldn't untie me.
5. My trantula broke his leg.
6. My fish drowned. (How?)

[mdshunk]

The real dandy for me was the guy who disappeared for 2 weeks right after his dental insurance kicked in. He got every bit of dental work done that he had been needing for his whole life. He got his teeth fixed up and fired, all at the same time.

This same guy used to regularly take off sick on Mondays with diarrhea. Funny how his gut knew which day of the week it was.

[electricalperson]

The real dandy for me was the guy who disappeared for 2 weeks right after his dental insurance kicked in. He got every bit of dental work done that he had been needing for his whole life. He got his teeth fixed up and fired, all at the same time.

This same guy used to regularly take off sick on Mondays with diarrhea. Funny how his gut knew which day of the week it was.

thats pretty funny

[hockeyoligist2]

Marc, You must not drink beer on Sunday! LOL

[iwire]

Marc, You must not drink beer on Sunday! LOL

Yeah that sounds like a draft beer drinker.

[mdshunk]

Marc, You must not drink beer on Sunday! LOL
No, matter of fact. Even if I had to call in sick, and I had diarrhea, I'd just say that I was "sick". I don't really think any employer wants to know the details of the sickness, especially if you've got the back door trots.

There are two general styles of how guys call in sick. About 1/2 just say they're "sick", and that's all I really need to know. Most of the time I ask if they think they'll be in the following day or if they know about which day they'll be back. The other half of guys feel compelled for some reason to give you this long, drawn out story of the whole sickness and everything they've done about it so far. It's sorta like they're trying to convince you that they're really sick.

Hey, if you're sick, you're sick. Spare me the details.

[76nemo]

Here's a good one, a real honest one actually. Guy gets a call from his wife, he needs to come home immediately. They are being invaded by sheep!!!!:roll:
It turned out to be legit. He took pictures to prove it, he knew we'd be all over him for this one. A neighbor many miles away had a sheep farm. Now keep in mind one of this guys hobbies is gardening. He came home to 30 sheep in his garden, they got loose. They ate him out of house and home:grin: Funny part is, it happened twice:roll:
Bahahahad Dave!!!

[dereckbc]

I can't adjust the passenger side rear-view mirror, the truck is laying on it. :-?

[mdshunk]

Sheep have to be the dumbest animals on the planet. A neighbor of mine had a barn fire. The pigs and the three cows ran out of the barn. The sheep, which were in the pasture when the fire started, ran into the barn and perished.

[stickboy1375]

Sheep have to be the dumbest animals on the planet. A neighbor of mine had a barn fire. The pigs and the three cows ran out of the barn. The sheep, which were in the pasture when the fire started, ran into the barn and perished.


Maybe they were cold? :grin:

[76nemo]

Maybe they were cold? :grin:

Ever had beer come through your nose? I laughed my *ss off. That's the hardest I have laughed in a long time!!!!

They did however find their way there twice, and they traveled miles to get there. His vegetables must be good:grin:

[480sparky]

Sheep have to be the dumbest animals on the planet. A neighbor of mine had a barn fire. The pigs and the three cows ran out of the barn. The sheep, which were in the pasture when the fire started, ran into the barn and perished.

Lamb chops for lunch, gang! Get 'em while they're hot!

[iwire]

Lamb chops for lunch, gang! Get 'em while they're hot!


LOL :D


I was the on call guy and I got a call from a super market manager....

Him: I have an electrical fire under the lobster tank, what should I do?

Me: Start melting the butter, I am on my way :grin:

He did not find any humor in that....I still went and fixed it but I did not get any boiled Lobster.

[ceknight]

Me: Start melting the butter, I am on my way :grin:

He did not find any humor in that.....

There's no explaining some people. If I were him, I would have laughed. :)

[mdshunk]

There's no explaining some people. If I were him, I would have laughed. :)
I've actually dropped customers who are all up-tight and have no sense of humor. That's sort of a red flag for me, plus they stress me out. I strive to only serve "regular people".

[480sparky]

I've actually dropped customers who are all up-tight and have no sense of humor. That's sort of a red flag for me, plus they stress me out. I strive to only serve "regular people".

My favorite one-liner is when someone asks me if I've been an electrician all my life. I reply, "Not yet."

[mdshunk]

My favorite one-liner is when someone asks me if I've been an electrician all my life. I reply, "Not yet."
That reminds me of an interview question. I generally ask where or how you learned the trade. One guy responded "in prison". :roll:

Next!

[480sparky]

That reminds me of an interview question. I generally ask where or how you learned the trade. One guy responded "in prison". :roll:

Next!

I once filled out an application (for electrician) and there was a question about "Are you able to stand 8 hours?" I put down no.

When I got to the interview, the guy asked about it. "You can't stand for 8 hours?" I replied "I can work 8 hours, no problem. 10 or 12 if need be. Climb ladders & scaffolds. Crawl under houses with no basements. Walk across trusses. But you want me to stand for eight hours?"

[chris kennedy]

I generally ask where or how you learned the trade. One guy responded "in prison". :roll:

Next!

So the truth comes out. Marc said he didn't hire me because I wanted too much money. And stripping wire with a shank could create hot spots at the terminations.

[480sparky]

I wouldn't hold it against someone if they have a criminal background. Especially if they've served their time, paid the fine, did their community service, whatever the punishment was. AFAIC, their debt to society has been paid, and if they're willing to put it behind them and move foreward, good for them.

Yes, there's some who will go back to a life of crime, and then I have nothing to do with them. Like the guy I referred to earlier who was getting evicted and had to go make some money. The only way he could come up with 4 months' past-due rent in one day was to go back to making meth.

[mdshunk]

I wouldn't hold it against someone if they have a criminal background.
I do.

I asked the company that mows my grass not to send a certain guy anymore. He's got a couple of those prison teardrop tattoo's under his eye. Doesn't that have something to do with killing people? In any event, I've got kids, and I don't want him around.

[480sparky]

I do.

I asked the company that mows my grass not to send a certain guy anymore. He's got a couple of those prison teardrop tattoo's under his eye. Doesn't that have something to do with killing people? In any event, I've got kids, and I don't want him around.

Kind of a knee-jerk reaction, isn't it? You assume he's a felon and a murderer without knowing the facts. Smacks of prejudice, at least to me.

FWIW, here's a quote from Wikepedia:
"Teardrop tattoos can also signify the loss of a friend or loved one has died. An empty tear signifies that the loved one had been killed in murder. A filled tattoo signifies that the loved one had killed themselves or was killed in another cause other than murder (car crash, death penalty etc.)."

Now suppose the guy did kill someone. He served his time. Now, he's trying his best to make life work for him... honest job, trying to support himself (and possibly a family?), pay his taxes....

I'm not saying you're flat-out wrong, Marc, just pointing out how I see it.

[jrannis]

I had a real witty one from a helper. Still use it sometimes.

very large job that had a miserable foreman. Foreman asked the kid why he was late.
He told the foreman that he had a bone in his leg!
Foreman looked at him for about 20 seconds and just walked away.

[e57]

Best one from me was "I'm still drunk from last night - trust me you don't want me to come in." Went down like a ton of bricks...

Good one from one guy to me was "Oh Mark - I'm sick - I wont be able to make it." Mean-while someone is ordering a margareta behind him in the backround.... He wasn't even in the country....

Good one while working.... I see a guy sort of milling around not doing anything.... So I ask.... He tells me his "screw guns battery is dead" so he cant work. 'Well lemmie show you how it was done in the old days' I hold up a #2 phillips - "Put a screw on the end of this and you turn it!"

[hurricaneflyer]

On the other hand,

I have worked with hundreds of convicts over several years in a plain old public business, mostly as thier dept manager and a lot as direct supervisor.

It takes quite a bit of trouble for most people to wind up as convicts. By the time they get there they have already had several chances. Winding up serving a sentence in Local jail is not quite as hard but not enough to make a difference about this.

If I go to a busy public place and look around and I see 100 people, 95 of those people have on average had enough intelligence, ethics and common sence to not become convicts.

If I go to a prison and look around and can see 100 people, 99 of those people on average have not had enough intelligence, ethics or common sense to keep from becoming convicts.

My advice based on experiance is not to hire ex cons. 1 out of 100 are ok to take a chance on but, compare that to the public at large. Even if you only say that half of the general public is worth a shot thats still a lot better odds 50 out of 100.

Those rare occaisions where a convict commited only one crime and wound up in prison (murder or homicide of certain kinds is about it) I wish the best for them but still you gotta play the odds.

[peter]

Not electrical but I used to be straw boss with a crew of four -- including my janitor. Our company had a paid 1/2 hour lunch -- make that 30 minutes and the employees could watch TV during that time.
Imagine my befundlement when, at the end of the day, I saw a note on my desk from David s. which read, "Peter. I am sorry that I couldn't finish my janitorial duties today because by the time the game was over, it was quitting time."
This made sense since one half of a game is exactly thirty minutes which exactly coresponds to the 30 minute lunch break.
~Peter

[chris kennedy]

This made sense since one half of a game is exactly thirty minutes which exactly coresponds to the 30 minute lunch break.
~Peter

Peter, you must not be a sports fan, 30 mins game time could be 1hr 15min in real time. When the wife wants to know when Sunday dinner will be ready, I tell her theres 2 mins left in the game. We eat a half hour later.

[480sparky]

Peter, you must not be a sports fan, 30 mins game time could be 1hr 15min in real time. When the wife wants to know when Sunday dinner will be ready, I tell her theres 2 mins left in the game. We eat a half hour later.

Longer if it's a close game and each side has several TOs.:grin:

[Luketrician]

it was raining one morning and a guy in the crew called in and said that he couldn't make it in because he had holes in his boots and didn't want to get his feet wet walking across the parking lot.


All the work was inside work also...:grin: Boss just laughed when he heard the message.

[360Youth]

Funny how his gut knew which day of the week it was.

Ours had to be just the opposite. Helper did not show up one Monday so we went on and figured he would call. Nowhere to be seen by 10 so I called his cell.
"Hello"
"Hey, man, where are you?"
"Huh? What day is it?"
:-? What do you say to that one??
He did not last much longer, although I think that may have been his only no show.

[brantmacga]

i didn't call in sick for my first 2 years until this one:

"hey boss? wife's having a baby right now. can't make it today."

then, after said baby started co-mingling w/ other babies,

(call from hospital room)"hey boss? I'm sick. And I think I'm going to die. No really." i puked 37 times in two hours. yes i counted.

i did call in late one day because my oil filter exploded on the way to work.

this one isn't a call-in-sick excuse, but a cute story:

we were headed to a job one morning that required us to drive across a field that had been rained on heavily for the past week. the truck, completely loaded, bogged down in the mud about 50 yards from the jobsite. i had a new helper, and his reaction was, "what do we do now?" after explaining that we would call for a tow, then carry all the materials on to the jobsite, his reaction was, "you for real?" the job was a trim out. after spending about 20 minutes too long explaining how to install a receptacle, i left the helper alone for about 30 minutes. i went to check on him and noticed all the receptacles were installed w/ the ground pin up, not as i had wanted them. i was 110% sure that they were all wired backwards as well (they were). i said to the helper, " hey buddy, you put all those receps in upside-down." his reaction, ,"how can you tell?" i said "just by looking." his jaw dropped, and his next words were, "you're the smartest person i've ever met!"

[76nemo]

"The elongated wiper is the hot side, right???" Correct:rolleyes:

[76nemo]

Well, at least you called it a wiper:rolleyes:

[augie47]

I'm sure glad you guys posted these. I've alaways been about 30-40 min early so even when I was a lil "late", I was on time. After being off these past four days and just thinking about going back to work tommorrow, some of these "excuses" sure look inviting.:grin:

[brian john]

I once had a boss that well a very good electrician and excellent foreman from the employers view point, he was a bit tough to work for. But I am a better electrician from my time with him. His nickname was "The Devil" called that to his face. He never cut corners, always did it right (his way) always to code.

One day we were working and he took a call, later the GC told us the call was the hospital he wife was having a baby. The GC told us, The Devil told the person on the phone, "I was there for my part, now you do you part, I'll be there after work"

He worked the rest of the day and said nothing to us about a baby.

[bradleyelectric]

LOL :D


I was the on call guy and I got a call from a super market manager....

Him: I have an electrical fire under the lobster tank, what should I do?

Me: Start melting the butter, I am on my way :grin:

He did not find any humor in that....I still went and fixed it but I did not get any boiled Lobster.

that there is funny!!

[wbalsam1]

Years ago, when I was an electrical foreman, I sent this guy out for coffee and donuts at 9:00a.m. expecting him to return very shortly since I had concrete trucks coming to pour and a lot more conduit to get in first. He left with the money we had given him for coffee and returned around 2:30 p.m. I was furious and wanted to fire him but I knew he was the bosses' pet. He told me, "Relax, I'm goin' drinkin' tonight and I needed some coin, so I've been mowing lawns". He also didn't bring the coffee and spent our money. :mad: What a bird this guy was! :roll:

[MJW]

Here are a few I have heard.

"My dog got out and I couldn't catch him"


On his first day one guy called at noon and said

"I got my butt kicked in the bar last night while celebrating my new job"

He was celebrating for no reason.


My all time favorite

"I have an eye problem. I can't see myself coming in today."

[brantmacga]

I once had a boss that well a very good electrician and excellent foreman from the employers view point, he was a bit tough to work for. But I am a better electrician from my time with him. His nickname was "The Devil" called that to his face. He never cut corners, always did it right (his way) always to code.

One day we were working and he took a call, later the GC told us the call was the hospital he wife was having a baby. The GC told us, The Devil told the person on the phone, "I was there for my part, now you do you part, I'll be there after work"

He worked the rest of the day and said nothing to us about a baby.

i would no longer have a wife, nor custody of the child, if i had said this while my wife was in labor. honestly, i would probably be dead from a gunshot wound.

[Rewire]

I do.

I asked the company that mows my grass not to send a certain guy anymore. He's got a couple of those prison teardrop tattoo's under his eye. Doesn't that have something to do with killing people? In any event, I've got kids, and I don't want him around.
The replcaement guy was probably the cellmate to the one you canned

[bradleyelectric]

The replcaement guy was probably the cellmate to the one you canned


No the replacement guy hasn't been in the country long enough to have been his cell mate.

[electricalperson]

I once had a boss that well a very good electrician and excellent foreman from the employers view point, he was a bit tough to work for. But I am a better electrician from my time with him. His nickname was "The Devil" called that to his face. He never cut corners, always did it right (his way) always to code.

One day we were working and he took a call, later the GC told us the call was the hospital he wife was having a baby. The GC told us, The Devil told the person on the phone, "I was there for my part, now you do you part, I'll be there after work"

He worked the rest of the day and said nothing to us about a baby.

now thats dedication

[big john]

He told me, "Relax, I'm goin' drinkin' tonight and I needed some coin, so I've been mowing lawns". I'm trying not to use any profanity in response to this, because I'm amazed anyone would say something like that. Did you point out if he did his job like was required of him, he would've gotten paid just the same?

I'll admit that when I first got into the trade I had a lot of problems with reliability. You guys count yourself lucky you get excuses: I didn't want to lie about it, so I just plain wouldn't show up. :roll: :roll: Nowadays I realise how lucky I was to still have a job to come into after doing that.

Best one I've ever seen was the helper who drove into work to tell the foreman he couldn't make it to work today. Then he went home.

-John

[got_nailed]

I called into my boss one time and told him I would not be in that night because my G/F had a knife to my neck and would kill me if she did not get a good wild night. Well he did not believe me and started to ask a bunch of questions when I took a pic with my cell phone and sent it to him.

Well the next night I got to work and everyone was looking at me and asked how bad it was because they didn’t see any marks. Well I took of my hat to show the missing hair and lifted the back of my shirt to show the nail marks. That morning when my boss got in he was a butt and thought it was all a joke or something till I showed him the marks.

Well now everyone comes to me when they need sex advice. If we have to work for more than 19 days in a row my boss will call me and see if I need some time off.

[JFleming]

The best by far is an employee who told me that he thought it was going to rain, and the wipers on his truck don't work all the time - he thought there was a short in the wiring!!!