Cutting Loose a Friend

[krisinjersey]

I've gotten myself in a tough situation. A good friend of mine, and former apprentice left the company we were employed by 2 years ago to work for a machine maintenance company. He obtained his license and had the intention of letting the new employer use his license to begin offering electical contracting as well. Once inside he quickly became overwhelmed with volume and asked me to come help out nights and weekends.

It took about 2 weeks for the owner to see he needed me as well and brought me on board. Within 3 months he elevated me to Vice President of Operations and everything was going great for me. It was a huge step for my career and my family.

Now the issue is that the friend feels scorned and has had a steady lack of performance, bad attitude, and really poor job numbers. I pulled him aside and explained the situation as I'm responsible for getting him to perform. Rock meet hard place.

Yesterday was hot. He ran 20 feet of 1/2" EMT straight up a wall, hung a fan and wired it as well as the switch. 2 Hour job, took 8. The owner blew his top. Told me to get him to do a 180 by Friday or cut him loose. I broached the subject this morning with the guy and was met with the usual explosion, temper tantrum, and flying material.

This is a guy with 3 kids one of which is only 2 weeks old. I know it's hard to separate these things, and being friends is usually a bad business deal. Being in charge here was a big thing for me and I know I'm gonna have to make a tough choice, but what else can I try? Any advice on this is trully appreciated.

 

[nakulak]

tough call (only because he's your friend), but he needs a week off unpaid. Then he needs to commit to doing what needs to be done, or gone. If something flies in my field of view, I send the guy home immediately for the day (unless its a very very unusual event) automatically. There's just too many things that can go wrong - don't need it. I've fired friends before, and I've probably given them more rope than they deserved, but fair is fair, and all you can be is fair. At some point it is simply not your problem - it's his problem. Tighten up or see you later, everbody has to pull their weight.

 

[charlie b]

You don't have a tough choice. He does. You are not responsible for the care and feeding of his family. He is. My only suggestion is to fight fire with water, not with fire. Talk with him again, in private, after hours, and do not under any circumstances raise your own voice. Let him shout, but you respond in a whisper. If he throws something, catch it and set it down gently. Your role as an employee, and his role as an employee, is to cause your employer to make more money with your help than he would have made without your help, and your employer's role is to give you a fair share of the difference.

 

[Dennis Alwon]

You don't have a tough choice. He does. You are not responsible for the care and feeding of his family. He is. My only suggestion is to fight fire with water, not with fire. Talk with him again, in private, after hours, and do not under any circumstances raise your own voice. Let him shout, but you respond in a whisper. If he throws something, catch it and set it down gently. Your role as an employee, and his role as an employee, is to cause your employer to make more money with your help than he would have made without your help, and your employer's role is to give you a fair share of the difference.

Excellent words of advice. Very hard to do but if you can it is the way to go about it. I would also emphasis your concern for him and his family and let him know the orders you were given.

 

[Article 90.1]

Kris,

Remember your friend asked you to help according to the first paragraph. My feeling is that there is something going on off of the the job that is affecting your friends job performance.

If this is a real friend he wouldn't put you in the position that you have found yourself in. But maybe this is your best friend from first grade, or whatever. If this is the case, just lay your cards on the table and be perfectly honest with him, but also take him aside and ask him what is really going on and see if you can coach him to a better outlook and attitude. Often we forget to leave work at work and leave home life at home and when the two lives cross problems aren't far behind.

If you believe in your friend and he is a good mechanic, I see no reason why he can't be turned around.

For what it is worth I have played both roles in this story in the past and looking back am very grateful that someone took the time to take me aside and set me straight.

 

[qcroanoke]

I've gotten myself in a tough situation. A good friend of mine, and former apprentice left the company we were employed by 2 years ago to work for a machine maintenance company. He obtained his license and had the intention of letting the new employer use his license to begin offering electical contracting as well. Once inside he quickly became overwhelmed with volume and asked me to come help out nights and weekends.

It took about 2 weeks for the owner to see he needed me as well and brought me on board. Within 3 months he elevated me to Vice President of Operations and everything was going great for me. It was a huge step for my career and my family.

Now the issue is that the friend feels scorned and has had a steady lack of performance, bad attitude, and really poor job numbers. I pulled him aside and explained the situation as I'm responsible for getting him to perform. Rock meet hard place.

Yesterday was hot. He ran 20 feet of 1/2" EMT straight up a wall, hung a fan and wired it as well as the switch. 2 Hour job, took 8. The owner blew his top. Told me to get him to do a 180 by Friday or cut him loose. I broached the subject this morning with the guy and was met with the usual explosion, temper tantrum, and flying material.

This is a guy with 3 kids one of which is only 2 weeks old. I know it's hard to separate these things, and being friends is usually a bad business deal. Being in charge here was a big thing for me and I know I'm gonna have to make a tough choice, but what else can I try? Any advice on this is trully appreciated.

If you don't get him turned around by Friday you will have to fire him because that is what your boss told you to do.
Or you both may be looking for a job come Monday. Especially if your boss doesn't make threats, he makes promises.

 

[GUNNING]

2 week old kid says it all.

2 week old kid says it all.

Thats enough to really drop your energy levels. I remember not getting any sleep for the first 3 months.
There isn't any room for niceties. Tell him how it is. Tell him its him or both of you. Tell him you cant help him unless he helps himself. I tell my kids some things I just cant fix. They look stunned, but get it. My bet is he is exhausted from the kid. It wont help, if he gets fired. Sounds like your boss hired 2 people to see which one will work out. Now he is trying to figure out which one to let go.
This is the way the boss handles people/employees. Note it, cause its going to happen to you. Maybe the license use is a bust or over and he needs to cut loses.

How did he know about the 20 feet of pipe and fan install? Any way you can get the guy out of site and keep him productive? How much authority do you have to schedule work? Can you justify his continued employment? If you can't then let the boss fire him. Or ask for him to work part time because of the kid. Is there a parental leave act in your state? Is there a Human Resource person? Or is this just an A hole with an ego paying cash and does he have really expensive tires and paint job on his truck?

 

[growler]

He obtained his license and had the intention of letting the new employer use his license to begin offering electical contracting as well.

Now the issue is that the friend feels scorned and has had a steady lack of performance, bad attitude, and really poor job numbers. I pulled him aside and explained the situation as I'm responsible for getting him to perform. Rock meet hard place.

Your friend doesn't sound like he is very smart. If he was going to let these people use his license he should have gotten a contract ( secured his position ) and instead of bringing in another licensed electrician he should have hired an apprentice.

Just having a license doesn't even make a person a good job foremen or even a good journeyman.

You should explain the hard facts of life to your friend. A license is not a meal ticket it just gives a person the right to earn a living but he still has to work. I would also explain that when he has the experience and knowledge to go along with the license that he can then use it for advancement.

 

[satcom]

Your friend doesn't sound like he is very smart. If he was going to let these people use his license he should have gotten a contract ( secured his position ) and instead of bringing in another licensed electrician he should have hired an apprentice.

Just having a license doesn't even make a person a good job foremen or even a good journeyman.

You should explain the hard facts of life to your friend. A license is not a meal ticket it just gives a person the right to earn a living but he still has to work. I would also explain that when he has the experience and knowledge to go along with the license that he can then use it for advancement.

My thoughts also.

 

[LarryFine]

Rock meet hard place.

People usually behave childishly and throw tantrums (and objects) when they don't feel able to simply state what's wrong. It could be embarassment, shame, guilt, or he simply doesn't have the vocabulary to put words with his feelings.

Point out to him that he's putting you in the squeeze, not you. His behavior is what's jeopardizing his job, not yours. See if you can get him to bluntly, but civilly, tell you exactly why he's angry, what exactly he thinks you're doing wrong.

Finally, ask him what he would do if he were, or recommend to someone else who was, in your shoes. If he can say (or think) that you're doing something wrong, he should have some idea of what the 'right' thing that you should be doing is.

He could be plain ol' jealous, but no 'real man' can just come out and say that. It's easier to act hurt and angry and hope that you figure it out and maybe even voluntarily step back, slack off, or whatever he thinks would make him look better.

I agree that he might feel better about discussing it away from the job, where you're friends instead of being on different rungs of what he must see as an upside down ladder. To him, you crawled over his back and got promoted, and he blames you.

Added: He thinks he no longer controls his 'destiny', and should be reminded that he is still controlling it, but to his own detriment now. If he gets fired now, he'll still misplace the blame, and resent you forever. Help him keep his job.

 

[Rewire]

I've gotten myself in a tough situation. A good friend of mine, and former apprentice left the company we were employed by 2 years ago to work for a machine maintenance company. He obtained his license and had the intention of letting the new employer use his license to begin offering electical contracting as well. Once inside he quickly became overwhelmed with volume and asked me to come help out nights and weekends.

It took about 2 weeks for the owner to see he needed me as well and brought me on board. Within 3 months he elevated me to Vice President of Operations and everything was going great for me. It was a huge step for my career and my family.

Now the issue is that the friend feels scorned and has had a steady lack of performance, bad attitude, and really poor job numbers. I pulled him aside and explained the situation as I'm responsible for getting him to perform. Rock meet hard place.

Yesterday was hot. He ran 20 feet of 1/2" EMT straight up a wall, hung a fan and wired it as well as the switch. 2 Hour job, took 8. The owner blew his top. Told me to get him to do a 180 by Friday or cut him loose. I broached the subject this morning with the guy and was met with the usual explosion, temper tantrum, and flying material.

This is a guy with 3 kids one of which is only 2 weeks old. I know it's hard to separate these things, and being friends is usually a bad business deal. Being in charge here was a big thing for me and I know I'm gonna have to make a tough choice, but what else can I try? Any advice on this is trully appreciated.

I think a big piece of this story is missing but that is not at issue. Your boss has made your choice clear he either shapes up or ships out.

 

[mkgrady]

I think a big piece of this story is missing but that is not at issue. Your boss has made your choice clear he either shapes up or ships out.

I agree, there seems to be something missing in this story. Sort of like it doesn'r add up or make sense. Maybe the explaination is that your friend is just not very smart. That seems unlikely. Given what has been described though, much of what has been given for responses I agree with. I'd do the sit down and talk after work before it is too late.

 

[rodneee]

nobody gets fired

nobody gets fired

your original post says you were made vice president in 3 months..that tells me you are smart and and you carry some clout with the boss....first calm the boss down, tell him you will handle things but it might take past friday...tell him you do not want to do anything rash...then use the slow and rational approach to make your friend see the light...your friend will come around and your boss will see you as someone who can handle a situation BEFORE it gets ugly...

 

[Ohmy]

This is an easy call...its a hard one to do.

 

[cowboyjwc]

This is an easy call...its a hard one to do.

That I agree with.

I fired my brother-in-law one time and I threatened to fire my brother one time right in front of the whole crew. The first one deserved it and the second one would have if he had pushed it to much more, but it sure did motivate the rest of the crew.

They figure if you'll fire your brother, you'll fire anyone.

 

[SEO]

This is an easy call...its a hard one to do.

I agree as well, I fired my brother on one ocassion and the best man in my wedding who was also my best friend on another ocassion. It took a lot of years to heal but we are all back to normal today. (I think).

 

[jmellc]

You said you use to work together at a previous company. You don't mention his performance there. I assume it was reasonably good in those days. Maybe the family situation has gotten to him and has him frazzled for awhile. Maybe he and the present boss began having friction from the start and he can't think straight. I've seen that happen and been on the short end a time or 2. Smartest guy around can start looking like an idiot if he's always under the magnifying glass. I once worked a long assignment at a plant where the head of maintenance had his favorites and his whipping boys, no fault of any of the guys. If he liked you, you could do no wrong. If he didn't, something was your fault, whether you did it or were a mile away at the time. Naturally, the whipping boys got so nervous they could hardly change a light bulb. The favorites were less nervous, but no happier. They didn't like their friends being harassed. I've seen such things to the 10th power in offices and restaurants where I use to work too.

You're in a bad place for sure. Can you get the boss to back out and let you handle it, with the friend reporting to you? Give your friend a long weekend to rest and recuperate, see how it goes afterward? Just an idea, hope something works out for both of you. As someone said, you may be next. Keep 1 eye on the boss all the while.

 

[Benton]

Being a friend is serious business. He asked you to come help out temporarily and you became his boss. Now I understand that these are the facts of life, but put yourself in his shoes. I think you should tell him that it would be hard for you to make that adjustment as well, but just as he didn't pass on an opportunity he shouldn't expect you to. Tell him what you appreciate about his work and friendship before you say anything, then correct him nice and firm. You should not be alone when you do it this time be with your boss or his wife show him that you are trying to help him but he is making it hard.

 

[growler]

You should not be alone when you do it this time be with your boss or his wife show him that you are trying to help him but he is making it hard.

I totally disagree with that way of doing things. If you offer praise for a job well done then do it in public but if you are going to say something that's going to bring an employee down then it's best done in private.

The guy already thinks you scewed him out of his job so putting him in his place in front of the boss or his wife isn't going to make the situation any better.

You can say a lot of things to a guy when it's private and the converstation is man to man and still leave his pride intact.

If you have two dogs in your yard one of them will be the dominant dog and once the leader is established then there won't be any dog fighting because the other dog will know his place in the pack.

 

[mivey]

I totally disagree with that way of doing things. If you offer praise for a job well done then do it in public but if you are going to say something that's going to bring an employee down then it's best done in private.

The guy already thinks you scewed him out of his job so putting him in his place in front of the boss or his wife isn't going to make the situation any better.

You can say a lot of things to a guy when it's private and the converstation is man to man and still leave his pride intact.

If you have two dogs in your yard one of them will be the dominant dog and once the leader is established then there won't be any dog fighting because the other dog will know his place in the pack.

I agree. Been watching the Dog Whisperer?