You only need one heater for a single phase motor 120 or 240V. For a 120V motor it is okay to run both the hot and the neutral to the motor starter but the heater has to be on the hot.
Not fully certain about that, if the "heater" opens the circuit then yes it need be in the ungrounded conductor, but these "heaters" typically only create heat that causes something else to open the control circuit to a contactor. As long as the contactor opens all ungrounded conductors simultaneously it shouldn't hurt to have a device whose only purpose is current level detection in the grounded conductor.
I have seen 3 phase starters used for single phase circuits. Wired with line and neutral and the line doubled back
through the spare phase. As far as I know this is legal, and the overload doesn't know the difference.
It's legal and on starters with electronic overloads it is necessary.
With overloads that are designed to detect phase loss or phase unbalance - you must use all three poles somehow or it will trip on phase loss.
For melting alloy overloads - you may need to use different overload selection for one heater element, then you use for two elements, and a different one for three elements as well. Each situation will introduce different heat levels into the enclosure an will change the trip level even though the motor current is the same.