For NJ, the utilities typically only want to see one final number so you have to pick between demand and connected.
I would say give them whatever numbers you used to size your main service equipment, I use the demand load, but I know some people use connected. Like others have said, I once had a utility in PA send me their demand calculations (I wish I had saved it) and they take 60% of your HVAC load, and some low % for the lighting loads based on your building type.
Demand loads are already probably double whatever the meter will read and the connected load is even higher than that. They utility has a better handle on how much actual load each building/building types are using since they have the data to run the statistical analysis on it.