Group all of your 120V single phase loads. Organize by phase A and phase C. Add up the phase A, add up the phase C. Select the maximum.
Any 240V loads, whether they be phase-to-phase, or three phase, will not affect neutral current.
Therefore:
1. "Add up" your 120V phase A loads with proper load diversity factors.
2. "Add up" your 120V phase C loads with proper load diversity factors.
3. No need to factor in 3-phase loads in to either of the above
4. Select the larger of the 1 and 2. Size neutral to at least this amount.
5. In no case shall the neutral be smaller than the equipment grounding conductor, whether a wire-based EGC is installed or not. And the EGC needs to be sized per the overcurrent device (plus upsized for distance if needed). The overcurrent device will account for all loads both single phase and three phase.