Critique this letter part deux.1

[electricmanscott]

Finally got some time to rework the "letter" I am sending out. Tale a look and throw out some comments, good or bad. Again it is just a quick letter to get the contractors to see my name. Some will read it, some will throw it away, and maybe a few will actually respond. Who knows.

I'm a believer in timing, luck, and the right place at the right time. With that the idea is that this letter arrives in a mailbox around the same time as the contractor is annoyed with their current electrician and will think, "hey I know this guy, I see him around all the time, he does work for such and such maybe I'll give him a call."

View attachment 1108

 

[jrannis]

My work is top quality and my service is second to none. All work meets and usually exceeds code. I take no shortcuts and do everything by the book without impacting my price or your schedule. I would not do sloppy work in my own home I won?t do it in your clients Home.
Solid references are available upon request.

I am a sole proprietor and although not required to carry workers comp insurance I have it for the protection of you and your client. I also carry $2,000,000.00 in liability insurance.

 

[romexking]

It's not a bad start, but consider these changes:

1. After the first paragraph, change the "I" to "we" and the "my" to "our". You don't want to give the impression that you are the only person in your company...even if you are.

2. Instead of ". All work meets and usually exceeds code. I take no shortcuts and do everything by the book." Try this: "most contractors are not aware that the NEC is a minimum standard. While most electricians are striving to just meet this minimum, Scott Stevens Electric prefers to use this as a starting point for our installations. We use input your client in order to satisfy their needs.

3. Don't say that you are a sole proprietor. Instead include a Certificate of Insurance with your letter and reference it's inclusion in your letter.

4. Don't give our your cell number. If you don't want to miss their call, have your office line forwarded to your cell number.

5. Don't speak of your pricing in your letter. Wait for a face to face meeting to do that. But you have to ask for that meeting. Try something like this:
"Since you have gotten this far in my introduction, you must be considering a change. Let me make it easy for you...just give me a call at the above number, and we can discuss how I can give you more satisfied clients thereby adding to your already wonderful (cough, cough) professional reputation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Scott Stevens
Scott Stevens Electric

 

[electricmanscott]

Thanks for all the replies here, through email, and pm's. I have made some changes and am printing some out to get in the mail. You guys will be the first to know if anything good results from our efforts. :smile:

 

[brantmacga]

It's not a bad start, but consider these changes:

1. After the first paragraph, change the "I" to "we" and the "my" to "our". You don't want to give the impression that you are the only person in your company...even if you are.

2. Instead of ". All work meets and usually exceeds code. I take no shortcuts and do everything by the book." Try this: "most contractors are not aware that the NEC is a minimum standard. While most electricians are striving to just meet this minimum, Scott Stevens Electric prefers to use this as a starting point for our installations. We use input your client in order to satisfy their needs.

3. Don't say that you are a sole proprietor. Instead include a Certificate of Insurance with your letter and reference it's inclusion in your letter.

4. Don't give our your cell number. If you don't want to miss their call, have your office line forwarded to your cell number.

5. Don't speak of your pricing in your letter. Wait for a face to face meeting to do that. But you have to ask for that meeting. Try something like this:
"Since you have gotten this far in my introduction, you must be considering a change. Let me make it easy for you...just give me a call at the above number, and we can discuss how I can give you more satisfied clients thereby adding to your already wonderful (cough, cough) professional reputation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Scott Stevens
Scott Stevens Electric

yep. i couldn't agree more. especially the pricing part.

 

[JohnE]

I agree with leaving out the pricing info. If you get a response, sell yourself. A contractor worth working for will realize he can get a lower price, but not necessarily better service.