I'm going with Jraef. Because once I moved the pump 2 spaces down in the panel, all the problems went away. In fact I know it's been problem free for over 2 weeks now. Nothing else changed. It's the same pump, same running current; just a different space in the panel.
and I have seen weirdness problems before resolved just by moving breakers around. Especially recently with all the fancy electronics. QO panels are especially sensitive.
Now I'm leaning more towards bolt-on panels, which I have never had a problem with. and I have many many pictures of buss stabs melted.