Why is there such resistance to using the neutral/ground as a reference in the split phase system? It is used in the three phase wye without any objection. ...
There isn't any resistance at all. Unless you're trying to answer the OP question. Then the same objections to your neutral reference happen during your three phase references, they just aren't as refined yet.
Fact: Except at the zero crossing, One end of the secondary is HIGH, the other end LOW.
By the OP question that fact has absolutely nothing to do with why it's called "single phase", the two ends are 180 degrees out of phase but that condition can be created through numerous methods. Hence it's not an actual indicator of whether the system is single phase. I can stack a score of phase-matched transformers to create the same condition. Series ended BCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. N is still the neutral, B & Z are still +/- 120V to neutral. But it's now a phase matched system and no longer single-phase but a 24-phase system.
With that 24-phase system Rbalex will still demonstrate that they're all the same phase. But Rick will demonstrate it's not the same phase because the noise doesn't replicate through the entire series. YOU will still point out, correctly and with no actual objections from anyone, that the sine waves generated by treating each end as independant are 180 degrees out of phase.
The word PHASE is overloaded. If you and Rbalex wish to end your differences, forget the math and get a solid fix on which definition of phase you plan to use. Include it in EVERY post you make and argue against that definition. Not a picture from a book or magazine but a dozen clear words.
Single phase is called single phase because it is
generated by a single electromagnetic field across the entire secondary coil.
Single phase is all the same phase because it is all of one thing and therefore the pure mathematics of Rbalex MUST support that conclusion.
Single phase is all the same phase and therefore an added noise generator will support Rick's conclusions because it physically cannot do otherwise.
Voltages that are measured WITH the phase must by physical law trace exactly 180 degrees out of phase with voltage measurements taken AGAINST the phase.
But those statements above are from a white room. On the floor where the dirt is:
We measure from ground and call ground zero volts. Current and Voltage have leads and lags to each other. Mathematically we call leads and lags on sine waves "phase shifts". Therefore us adaptable humans working in the dirt have taken to calling those voltage and current readings "Phases". We do and therefore they are. We work from zero volts and therefore don't CARE about the white room definitions. We treat the end voltages
as though they were independent voltages. They aren't independent but that actually works in our favor. Circuits we design are actually simpler because we don't have to deal with independent voltages. Whether we measure WITH or AGAINST the phase is not relevant on the floor.
So when someone tells you direction matters, or your leads are backwards: They're speaking from the white room and trying to answer the OP question.
When you say it doesn't matter: You're speaking from the floor and not answering the OP question. But you are answering a question and in that application you are correct.